Playing together
When losing a game feels too much
Free ideas to try with what you already have. This guide has no affiliate links.
Your child was enjoying the game until someone else reached the finish. Now they want another turn, want the result changed, or want to put the game away.
You can acknowledge the disappointment and keep the game fair. Start with a short, familiar activity your child is interested in. This guide is for grown-ups playing with preschool and early-primary children; younger children may prefer taking turns or pretend play without a winner.
Before you play: agree on a small plan
Choose rules and waiting times your child can manage. A simple game of chance can offer a more even contest than a game in which an adult has much more skill. Explain any family rule before play starts. These suggestions follow Raising Children Network's fair-play guidance.
Try this example: “We will each have one turn, then pass it over. Shall we play one short round? If either of us needs a break, we can stop.” You do not have to use those exact words. Choose a plan you are comfortable following too.
When the result hurts: fewer words, a clear boundary
If your child is very upset, help them settle before discussing the result. Strong feelings and fair treatment of other players can both matter. Raising Children Network recommends returning to the conversation when the child is calmer.
For example: “You really wanted to win that round. We can leave the pieces here and take a break.” If pieces are being thrown, you might say, “I'll move the game aside to keep everyone safe. I'm here with you.” Avoid asking your child to explain everything while they are still overwhelmed.
A break does not need to end with another game. When everyone is ready, packing away can be the next shared activity.
Show what losing looks like for you
Model a small, honest response when you lose. Notice effort and fair play as well as the result. Letting a young child win occasionally can keep them interested, but arranging every win gives them less practice with different outcomes. Read more about winning and losing.
An example for your own turn: “Oh, I hoped my piece would get there first. I'm disappointed. I'm going to put it back in the box now.” Your child does not need to copy you immediately or perform a cheerful handshake.
A game plan to copy onto paper
Fill in only what is useful. Here is one possible family plan, using a game already at home:
| Decide together | Our example |
|---|---|
| What we will play | One short round of our familiar game |
| A rule we both know | One turn each, then pass |
| Words for a break | “Can we pause?” |
| If we are finished | Pack away together; choose something else |
If competition isn't fun today
Try building something together, making up a story or taking turns choosing a pretend character. You can use what you already have. There is no need to buy a special game, timer or course for this plan.
Learning to play with others takes practice. The American Academy of Pediatrics suggests simple play rules, helping children find words, noticing what went well and considering whether they are hungry or tired. AAP: young children learning through play.
If finding a feeling word would help your child, explore the optional free Enimates Fun Pack together. Pointing, drawing or passing for now is fine too.
If you are concerned about ongoing aggressive behaviour, speak with your child's GP or pediatrician for individual advice. This page offers general educational ideas.