Playing together
When your child does not want to share their toys
Free ideas to try with what you already have. This guide has no affiliate links.
A friend is coming over, but your child wants to keep their favourite toys to themselves. Before the visit, decide together what can stay private and what will be available to play with.
This guide is for grown-ups arranging preschool and early-primary playdates. Younger children may need you alongside them throughout. Sharing takes practice; a birthday does not make it automatic.
Choose before the visit
Raising Children Network recommends talking about sharing before a playdate and putting particularly precious toys away. A favourite comfort toy or an unfinished creation can have a safe place outside the shared play area.
Then choose some things that can be used during the visit. For example: “Your special truck can stay in your room. Which things shall we put out for you and Maya?” Use names and words that fit your family.
Make a small plan together
Here is an example to change, draw or copy onto scrap paper. It needs no printable pack or new toys.
| Decide together | Our choice |
|---|---|
| Put safely away | The special truck and unfinished model |
| Available for the visit | Blocks and drawing materials |
| While waiting for a turn | Draw a road for the cars |
| Grown-up nearby | Someone both children can ask for help |
When both want the same toy
Stay nearby to help. The American Academy of Pediatrics suggests helping children find words, take turns, or choose another activity. You can model a calm response yourself.
Try: “You both want the crane. Sam is using it. You can ask, 'Can I have a turn when you finish?' I'll help you find something to do while you wait.” An agreed turn needs adult follow-through; do not leave the waiting child to manage the arrangement alone.
If either child starts hurting the other, step in to keep them safe and pause the play. Help them settle before trying to solve the disagreement. There is no need to insist on continuing the same activity.
Afterwards, notice one thing
When everyone is calm, mention something specific: “You asked for the crane and waited with me.” Ask whether anything should be put away before the next visit. Keep the conversation short.
No timer, duplicate toy or course is needed for this plan. For more free ideas, return to Enimates resources for grown-ups.